I have learned a few things here and there. A maturing brain that reads books, listens to others, and seeks experiences`has lead me to feel and think differently about this world we live in for awhile. Right now, I would like to share my failures of 2017. (I don’t believe in failures unless you do nothing about them, but I wanted to use a drastic word.)
1. Crazy Emotions
I get that this is a part of why I am studying dance.. to learn how to express and let out my extreme emotions in an articulated way that can be helpful for the audience…but sometimes that’s not enough. I feel whatever I am feeling very intensely and it is hard to see myself not feeling that certain emotion forever. This is like a downward spiral, because then I am not as generous of a person, and I tend to be less rational. I am guessing somebody out there can relate with me. So that being said, I hope to “fix” the root cause of this and not just cover it up with emotional band aids to suppress them and make it look like I am doing swell. Explaining what I will do seems more like a thing I write in my own journal, but in general, I hope to consciously work at this every day with God’s help. Healing is also a creative process, and I am looking forward to combining the two and turning them into one. What I do know for sure is that my life is filled with blessings, and God has been so gracious towards me.
2. Saving it for Later
No. I am now a year under 20, and I plan on quitting the excuses that come along with how many years old we are. Life has given me experiences no one else has had, and I have been given the responsibility to help others out with lessons learned.
3. Never Stopping
Unfortunately, it has been wired in my body and brain to never stop. I see breaks as waisted time, but I continually learn that this is far from the truth. For example, after this semester ended I gave myself permission to lounge around, read books, and do some casual yoga for about a week. My body showed me how much fatigue it was suppressing, because I never truly let it take a break. I woke up every morning with aches all over my body. It hurt to even open a door. Soooooo I think I was experiencing extreme exhaustion that was way over due. BUT, I learned that rest is real and necessary in order to keep going. (It seems so obvious now) Scheduling in restorative rest is not selfish. It is generous so that I can keep on moving and doing what I love to do every day.
4. (. )
I am realizing now how good it feels to write on this blog thing. I don’t know why it is different than just typing into a Word document, but it feels great. I hope you all try it someday or do something that lets others in on how you’re feeling.
““`I just want to put in here that I am extremely grateful for everyone in my life no matter how much I see you. My emotions are strong, but they are also very happy at times because of people like you. Thank you for being you as cheesy as that sounds.“““““
P.S. December 31, 2017